A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far Away…

I recently ran into George Lucas at an awards show. I tried my best to shake his hand but like before he was shuffled off into oblivion, leaving me surrounded by seat fillers and Mike Epps. Having heard his story I was reminded of the amazing tales he had told me as a child, tales of a rough and tumble archaeologist with a penchant for getting in trouble and escaping by the brim of his hat, or of a young farmer who was tragically and tumultuously caught up into a war that would change the galaxy forever. These stories forged a huge part of my imagination and determined a range of aspects of my life: who I would befriend in school, how I would view the world, why I was never good in school (ok that could also just be due to my childish ways and desire to laze around). As I look back on it, seeing those stories played out, they very well may be why I’ve always felt a call to be the noble hero, even when I suppress it for the sake of blending in. The story of Luke Skywalker may have inspired me to dream big, seeing that someone who started so small could leave a mark on an entire universe. And neither of those stories would have been told if it wasn’t for Mr. Lucas, who chose to tell them by any means necessary.

As a young director he started his own production company, Lucasfilms, and produced these films independently. One man, with his company, with no help from big studios (save for distribution) not only impacted my life but he changed the way films were made. Star Wars, both the content and the technology developed to create it, has made way for a countless number of other films and television shows. It has birthed books and video games, an entire universe that rivals Middle Earth. All because George did something.

I’ve always felt like I was supposed to be a trailblazer. I don’t always embrace that because it’s just so much easier to do things on a set path. But God has rarely let me do that. I’m not comfortable on a set path. And these paths don’t always open up for me. And I’ve just come to believe that if something consistently won’t work for you then you aren’t meant to use it, at least until further notice. And knowing what I know of God there was no reason I should be sitting that close to George Lucas. His presence and story shouldn’t have affected me that much; I haven’t enjoyed his last movies. But something brought up those memories, something stirred inside and he has become a mentor to me (he is totally unaware of this, by the way). So I’m trying to figure out what to do. What is my next step. I believe it is leading toward starting my own production company. And doing my own thing. And that excites me. And that scares me in a deep and vulnerable place in a way I’m not to fond of. But it’s one of those places in life where you can be afraid and shrink back and know that the entire course of your life will be lesser because you gave in, or you can just jump. So, here goes nothing.

Onward.

Honor and Bravery

There is an honor found in those who have struggled and overcome. It is forged by the struggle, and it fills up those who earn it and flows out around them, covering everything they touch. I saw this come to life tonight at the NAACP Image Awards, when Harry Bellafonte and Sidney Portier took the stage and introduced us to the Black Stuntmen’s Association. There in front of me where pioneers, heroes, who at the same time knew the scope of their impact and where aware they could take no credit for it. These men and women had to fight to earn a place in Hollywood. Studios shut them out, and if they let them in it was to fill the role of a servant. These men and women wouldn’t settle for that. Great actors like Sidney and Harry, and Bill Cosby and so many more challenged the studios and did what they were born to do, and they helped others get in.

The Black Stuntmen said, “The studios wouldn’t look at us, so we had to work 150 times harder to prove that we were just as capable.” And they did so much more. Their work paved the way for all stuntmen, because they did what no one would.

These men and women had an honor that you could feel. They were physically all so old, so frail, and yet they held on to a strength and a pride that took me beyond self-pity for my lack of those things and brought me to a place of pure admiration. These men and women where who I want to be. What they went through and who they became, how they overcame and even changed the way Hollywood, and the world, worked, that is why I want to make movies.

And let me say, when Harry and Sidney took the stage it was awe inspiring. In a room full of black men and women, the spiritual progeny of these two men, you could feel every eye tear up and a wave of humility spread and fill up that room. Those two men, walking on canes to support their aged bodies, were kings. Proud but not prideful; strong, grateful men. Men who recognized that they had changed to world but could not bring themselves to mistakenly take credit for it. Men who had been caught up in the fight and had taken up arms simply because it was the right thing to do, and they made it possible for every black boy and girl to follow.

George Lucas was awarded the Vanguard award tonight as well for his dedication to telling the story of the Tuskegee Airmen, who risked their lives to fight an evil, racist force only to come home to an equally evil, racist home. I’m not always happy with the way George Lucas treats his newer works, but my God I have gained such a respect for that man. He has been married to a black woman for years, and he spent 23 years trying to fund the movie Red Tails with an all black cast, only to finally fund it completely out of pocket just because it was a story that needed to be told and told right. As a director that man has created so many icons. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, not to mention everything his companies, Industrial Light and Magic and Skywalker Sound, have been involved in…all icons of my lifetime. I look at George and I want to be like him. I want to create characters and tell stories that resonate with people the way Star Wars did, to leave a mark on the culture, and to fight for truth and justice.

What’s funny is that I was able to see these good things and their antithesis. One of the young Wayans boys was sitting behind me and he was being a tool. Making snide comments and being disrespectful to the winners, he had nothing that these men and women on stage were showing. He wasn’t even a shadow of them. It hurt me to think that he represents such a large majority of young people who have no honor, no respect for life. It made me think of how I can be that way and how easy it is to fall into that. But if I fall in then who will stand up? Who will stand in the gap? Who will lead the people?

Tonight I was able to see the goal. It isn’t money or fame. It’s character, honor, and the influence to use it for good. That is the goal of a filmmaker, or an actor. To change the world.

I’m not black, but if you let me I will boldly claim these men and women as mothers and fathers, who’s footsteps I want to tread, and to go further, and to carry on what they started, and to do even more. That’s how it’s supposed to go.

For honor, and justice, and truth, and love.

For Jesus the Christ, who is the only reason I am where I am.

Onward.

The Folly of Waiting

Everyone knows the verse about waiting on the Lord and how he will raise us up with wings like eagles. And if you are involved in any kind of Christian community for long enough you will hear someone say something to the effect of, “I don’t know what to do. I’m waiting on the Lord to show me his will.”

 

It’s a legitimate statement. Sometimes you just don’t have a clue what you are supposed to be doing when it comes down to specifics. It’s ok to look to God for guidance. Shoot, he warns several times that of we try and do this on our own we will end up hurting ourselves something serious. However I see a great folly in the people of God when it comes to waiting. Some just don’t and they end up stressed and frustrated. Others, maybe the majority, are so scared to make the wrong decision that they won’t make any decision and they end up depressed and possibly bitter.

 

Right now I want to address those who wait too much simply because I see that the most. We wait and we pray for God to show us the right path. All the while we attend our Christian duties, and trudge through life trying to be joyful but holding a secret disappointment with the whole thing. I’ve been there and I know people still there.

 

The problem comes from two sources: first, we are simply too afraid to make a bad decision. I believe we as a people have conditioned ourselves into this way of thinking. We don’t want to sin or step out of the will of God so instead we sit still. We hear verses that God will work all things out for our good according to his plan but somewhere we add in a clause that says he will only do this if we stay constantly obedient. Of course, being the neurotic creatures we are we have come to believe obedience is a strict term that restricts us to certain activities. As it goes most people limit themselves to which service of the church they’ll give themselves to, or maybe one of a handful of approved professions. The extreme will consider the pulpit or work overseas. Whatever they choose it’s incredibly limited by our wrong thoughts on obedience and our lack of trust in the love and power of God.

 

One of the more referenced stories about this subject is the story of Jonah. God gave him instructions and he went the opposite way, suffered some consequences and was brought to the place God initially had told him to go. So often we look at this story from one angle, the one where Jonah was disobedient and intentional in running the opposite way. We are told not to be like him, to fear the consequences, and once again reminded that God will make his way happen. But we arent assured of his greatness so much as warned of our badness. I dont discount that angle but I think there is more to take from that story. Jonah chose to deliberately go a different way, but he went. And God brought him back on course. If God does that for a child who is being bad on purpose then there should be no doubt in our minds that he would do it for one who is trying to please him but just doesn’t know how. The story of Jonah should give us call to check ourselves, but it should also set us free to move, to make decisions and do things all the while trusting the no matter what God will fuse us to the right place.

 

Many Christians are unhappy because they are waiting on God to tell them which church job they should trudge away in for the rest of their lives, when they could be experiencing him in the unique ways he has set up for them.

 

It only takes a little glance inside to see what kind of things you like, from simple things like music or movies, to great life things like what kind of job you want or how you like to serve people. And I can’t help but believe that those things are there for a reason. God doesn’t do things in vain, and as crooked as we are we would rob ourselves of something he gave us if we didn’t at least give a whole hearted shot at deciphering and living out this desires.

 

The only professional command we ever got from God was to love, and in that to make disciples. When he told us to make disciples he said “Go and make disciples…” you can argue whether or not the “go” is a verb (it isnt but that doesn’t matter) whatever conclusion you come to you find that Jesus was implying and expecting us to move. “Go” means stop being in the place you are (physically, spiritually, emotionally, and anything else) and bring yourself somewhere else. Move. “Explore, and as you do shine with my truth and love and reconcile others to me.” That’s what he was saying.

 

So if you don’t know what you are supposed to do don’t just sit around and pray about it. Pray then start doing everything you can, praying all the while. You will make bad decisions and you will learn from them, and as you explore yourself in relation to others and the world around you you will start to see what you were made to do. It’s incredibly scary but the reward is infinitely greater than the risk.

 

Live your story well, look to God for guidance, and he will change you as he sees fit.

 

Do not be afraid.

The art and discipline of writing -or- Damnable Profession!

I find it pretty hard to write stories nowadays because I’m so eager to film that my mind immediately goes to a “Can I film this?” mode when I write. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, except it keeps me from actually writing. I have ideas for days but many of them are pretty lofty, requiring resources I do not yet have at my disposal.

So I’m trying to push through that line of thinking. I want so badly to make films, but I need stories to do that, but I can’t write stories because I only let myself write what I could physically do right now. Terrible circle of silliness.

It all comes from my impatience. I want to do this NOW! The desire is reasonable but to demand it is clearly unhelpful. I think it’s one of those lessons about patience and waiting and working through the less desirable times. Here’s to learning it.

Onward!

Back to the Dockett! This one’s about ministry names!

From the end of Sunday Dinners on the adventure turned more inward. Most of the posts from this point on focus on the things I learned while living in Hudson-Dockett, and no more face punches (which I was thankful for).

Sunday dinners eventually became a small group bible study with some snacks. The kids would listen sometimes, but it was clear they only came because they saw us as fun vending machines. There were some who liked hanging out with us, but to most we were the nice guys who gave out candy. As we tried to get things under control the kids who were there for play would disappear. Eventually we ended up just hanging out with the siblings, Najik, Sarah, and Tessa.

When I moved to Hudson-Dockett I had grand plans for the community. I was going to end up with a ministry that had an edgy name and would be a hot locale for week long summer mission trips. Ok, so my idea wasn’t that grandiose, but I did have this almost subconscious idea that I would need to get a name for what I was doing down here. As I lived here I learned how unnecessary that whole idea was. These people didn’t need some kind of formatted activity, be it bible study or play time, and they sure didn’t need another name being thrown around. They just need living expressions of God’s love. And to keep that in a ministry format would severely limit the impact I could leave.

What I mean is, when my mindset was “build a ministry” I was more worried about progress. Are people coming? Are they learning? Are they going to become believers? What does the outside world think about my efforts? It also made the relationships feel less real, because I was being “Justin, the ministry leader”. Once I started just living, and being intentional with my life, I quit caring about any of those things. I still want to see people walk with God, but I don’t worry about it because who am I trying to impress? Not myself, and not the church, or the city, or any random eyes that may be watching. Just being, just living, walking with Jesus in the midst of others, that is life! It’s free; I can be myself, and when I mess up everyone can see, and they can see me work out my mistakes with God, and hopefully they will get a real taste of who he is, instead of the white southern church boy version I might end up giving them through ministry mode.

It all got me thinking about how quick people are to try and brand the things they do. I don’t know if it’s because we secretly want to be praised for our efforts (it’s much easier to praise something you can advertise) or if we think that is simply how things are done, it’s rare to see people just living intentionally, especially for the sake of the gospel. I was this close to getting “Southside Ministries” bumper stickers to pass around (surprisingly I would have been passing them out to people who weren’t even touched by the ministry’s efforts). But I’m glad I learned otherwise. And what’s funny is that the One who I’m supposed to be modeling myself after, he didn’t go around making things like “Spit Mud ministry to the blind” or “No Mats paraplegic ministry”, he just did things as life brought them to him. He was intentional, and he sought God, and he obeyed when called.

I’m by no means trying to trash any existing ministries, or trying to discourage you from naming yours. Getting non-profit status can help by the boatload. I have just decided, for my own life, not to be too hasty about naming things, and to just focus on living, with purpose.

Onward!

Hmm…

Posts don’t have to be long. This is freeing.

“We’re pilgrims in an unholy land…”

The title of todays sermon…wait, sorry. Anywho, it’s a line from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (my favorite of the three[the fourth one doesn't exist in my eyes]). I felt it would capture the idea of the two sides I will be looking at in this post.

So I’m a follower of Jesus. I believe he is God come down to live the life I couldn’t then die the death I should have, then come back just to show that death was no longer an issue for those who trust him. I met him in the spring of 2005. I say all that to give you bearing on where I am as I write this.

Yesterday I got 122 comments (its at 127 right now) on a post where I showed support for the state of New York legalizing gay marriage. Lots of opposition, and of course opposition to the opposition. Not a lot of support comments…interesting. A tangent, sorry. It got me thinking about the church. Specifically, how are we to be while we live here? What is our interaction with the rest of the world supposed to look like? I heard a sermon one time from a guy named Tim Keller about such an issue and it has changed my entire way of thinking. I can’t find it so I’m going to paraphrase, put my own spin on it. He spoke on these verses: Jeremiah 29:4-9

 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:  “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease.  But, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”  Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have.  They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the LORD.

Quick background: The Jews had been captured and taken to Babylon, and these men among them were telling them lies and prophesying falsely. Jeremiah, a true prophet of God for that time, wrote this letter to them to try and get the people to see God clearly and live as he would want. The false prophets were telling the Jewish men and women two different things: some saying they should cut themselves off from the city, to make sure everyone knew that they were separate. They were not to interact with the Babylonians because they were captors and pagans, worshiping idols instead of the true God. The others were saying they should make it easier on themselves and just conform to the Babylonian culture, worship their gods and try to blend in.

God’s desire, however, was for the Jews to be engaged in the city without compromising their faith in him. “Build houses, plant gardens, marry, eat, increase in number. Enjoy yourself there as you would in your homeland.” This would have been fine with the Jews. Then God  adds a resounding “But…” “But, seek the peace and prosperity of the city. Pray for it, because your fate is tied in with it’s. Do not listen to those who say otherwise, they do not speak for me.”

Paul calls the followers of Jesus “aliens, pilgrims” and refers to us as exiles. Jesus has bought us a home with him, but until then we are here, exiles looking for our true home. So what are we to do while we are here? How are we to be? The same way the Jews were to be when they were exiled in Babylon.

We are to live out our faith, to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. We have been given the ability to know God. Personally. To be his friend, his child, his object upon which his love is lavished. And we have been given a responsibility: let others know about God, so they might know him too. The problem comes when we forget to seek the welfare of those around us, even the ones who don’t believe in God. Yeah, that’s right. God told the Jews to pray for the prosperity of the Babylonians, even though they didn’t worship him. Likewise we should do the same. Wherever it is that God has us we should be engaged there, living our life among the citizens, praying for their welfare and working to make it so. All while loving and following Jesus, telling others about him, and making disciples.

What does this look like practically? I think (and these are my own thoughts) it means putting aside our desire to make people behave. I think it means we have to actually trust God with the salvation of men and women. I think it means that gay men and women should be allowed to receive the same benefits from their government as straight men and women, and whether we agree with that or not we shouldn’t seek to change it because we have a more important calling. In fact I think we should champion it.  Because injustice is wrong, regardless of why it’s happening.

And I just need to add this: praying for their welfare DOES NOT MEAN praying for what we think their welfare is. It means praying that God would do good for them and to them. And that is all.

tl;dr: We should stop trying to control the things around us (government, people’s actions, etc) and live out our lives, praying to God for the welfare of those around us.

Onward!

 

Master Agitator

This happened today.

As I type it’s gone up to around 122. I wrote this before I went to work, just to put it out there that I thought the recent events were a step in the right direction. Immediately my christian acquaintances jumped in, asking if I actually supported this.

“Of course. They deserve to enjoy the same privileges I do.”

A simple response that kicked off a day-long argument between those for and against homosexual marriage. Of course the christians in the group were bewildered that I, a follower of Jesus, would think such a rancid thing. The other side, those for homosexual marriage, would trade blows with those against, and I was at work watching my phone get hot from all the message alerts.

The entire time I couldn’t stop thinking about how I hadn’t even tried to stir things up this time, yet I got a bigger response than when I actually posted on purpose. It was a crazy feeling, and a scary one, because suddenly everyone was up in arms. Unfortunately I don’t think anyone learned anything from the situation, which is sad. I hope they did. If all we do is trade views and leave exactly the same as when we came in, the entire interaction was pointless.

This is the direction I want to go with my films, my writing, my life. That the art I make and the life I live would call people to face the truth about life, God, and Jesus. I want to challenge the dusty and dead ideas that christians hold about Jesus so that they will let go and start to see Him as he really is. And I want to challenge those who don’t believe in him, to show that they don’t have to become prudes, but that they do need him more than they can ever imagine. I want people to know God like I’ve been able to, and to stop being so stuck in themselves that they can’t see past their own eyelids.

So that is my prayer. Amen.

Onward!

Dollar dollar bills yall!

Being an upstart filmmaker can take a huge toll on your mental faculties. I want to make it to a place where I have some resources available and can make some sweet films, but I still have so much to learn about making films so I don’t want to rush in to anything, but I don’t want to sit around afraid of everything, so I’ll go for it but what if I shouldn’t and then what happenswhenIgetthereaaaaaaannnnndddd BOOM!!!

Brain asplodes.

This particular post comes to you in the wake of my last glorious failure. I scour the internet looking for film competitions that I can enter, for two reasons mostly: I want to be challenged, and sometimes the criteria for the contests gives me something to push for; I also want to make myself known to the indie film community.

I find this one contest that seems right up my ally. It was called the Possible Futures contest and it called for short films that would suggest solutions to some of the broader problems humanity faced. The winner would get a trip to the Amazon and $10,000.00. Yes, that is ten thousand.

“Hey, I’ve got all sorts of opinions about how things could be changed for the better! I’ll whoop everyone at this.”

So I started trying to write something that could be entered in the “Human fulfilment” category. I came up with this great idea but it was too broad for a 5 minute film, so I started trying to narrow it down, simplify it to its most base form. While I was trying to do this I was also trying to write a script that would get this idea across. I didn’t want to be terribly verbose (as most activist videos are) nor did I want it to look like a try-hard art piece. For the life of me I couldn’t bring these things together, but I beat myself trying to.

Then I realized why I wasn’t doing so good. I was writing for the 10 g’s, not for the sake of humanity or for myself. I was trying to come up with something super quick so that I could get some cash in my pocket, but the perfectionist in me wouldn’t accept my drafts.

I don’t want to write for the money, because writing for the money kills the whole project. You see it too often in film, music, television, every media out there right now. People crap out mediocre stuff to try and make a quick buck and we allow them to do it by accepting their crap.  I want no part of it. Now, this isn’t to say I don’t want racks on racks on racks of money. Boy do I! But I want to earn it with my own talent, not by some twisted and lesser creation of mine getting lucky in a contest.

Right now I’m checking out this website, Pitch, trying to figure out what it is. From what I’ve gathered you submit an idea for a film as well as a budget and they help you raise the funds by putting you in front of people who want to invest. Seems really cool up front, but they just started so I have nothing to go on. It could be some kind of scam. But if its real then it will be a great opportunity. I’ll keep you guys updated.

 

Onward!

Let me just add this: I cannot wait to be in LA. It is my Moscow.